Psoriasis, Prednisone and Weight Gain

Earlier this month, I had my follow up check-up with my psychiatrist. The nurse told me to step on the weighing scale to update my chart. After weeks of trying to avoid it, I reluctantly obliged and weighed myself. I eventually found out that on that day that I weighed 30 pounds heavier.

Seeing my body change with prednisone

When I got back home, I found myself slowly drowning in self-pity. I was angry because I was put on steroids for so long. I blamed myself because there are times that I couldn’t control my hunger even if I wanted to. I was frustrated because I kept on gaining weight despite exercising, limiting my food intake, and introducing plant-based food in my diet.

It was depressing to see how much my body has changed. I hated it. I hated everything— my moon face, my drooping eyes, my double chin, the rolls in my stomach, the bulge in my underarm, and the red stretch marks around my thighs. I hated myself. I loathed steroids and everything that it did to me and my body.

Prednisone benefits outweighed the side effects

That very same night, I took deep breaths and tried to calm myself down. I realized that aside from these horrible side effects, I felt like I was more of myself when I started taking prednisone.

I was able to get out of my productivity slump, my joint pains slowly became more manageable, my fatigue was not as bad as it used to, and I started having better days too.

If it weren’t for all the medications that I had to take, I wouldn’t be able to fully function. I would still wake up feeling hopeless and completely lost. Prednisone made me feel that healing was possible, even if I had to make a few sacrifices along the way.

Weight gain doesn’t mean unhealthy.

Back when I was 30 pounds lighter, I turned to vices to relieve my stress, I ate nothing but junk food, and I went to weekly drinking sprees with my friends. I constantly craved for a fast-paced, pressured, and stressful life to keep myself busy enough to silence my anxious thoughts instead of facing them.

I would suppress my feelings and keep them bottled up inside me until I exploded. To say that I abused my body was an understatement, and I’ve been paying for it ever since. I might be 30 pounds heavier today, but I am feeling so much better now than I used to. I may be 30 pounds heavier, but I am healthier and happier, too.

At the end of the day, I have to remind myself that as my weight fluctuates, my worth would not fluctuate with it— because I am worthy as I am, always. I am more than just a number, and that the number on the scale will never define me.