Diagnosis After Diagnosis, Heartbreak After Heartbreak
Getting a diagnosis after years of searching is definitely a win. You thought the numerous hospital visits and bloodwork would be over, the unexpected rush to the emergency room would now stop, and you believed that the list of doctors will finally end.
But what if it won't? What if the diagnosis that took so many years to get was just the beginning of a lifelong battle with a series of chronic illnesses?
When one diagnosis turned into many
Two years ago, I was diagnosed with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. A few months after, my doctor told me I had uveitis. Fast forward to more than a year, my doctor realized that I was not responding to medications, so I was further diagnosed with fibromyalgia.
Just this year, I was rushed to the hospital due to persistent back pain and abdominal pain. Turns out, I had to undergo a major operation to remove my gallbladder. And just this month, ultrasound results revealed that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome.
All of these medical issues happened in a span of just two years.
This ordeal is far from over
Looking back, I was relieved more than sad when I was diagnosed with psoriasis and PsA, because, at last, the search for diagnosis would finally come to an end. At last, I could focus on my healing.
For quite a while, my life revolved around searching for answers, and now that I found one, I could finally move on and start trying to get my life back. Had I known then that the hospital visits and the endless nights of wondering what was wrong with me would still continue even after a few years, I wouldn’t have felt so relieved and hopeful?
I would have lived with caution, knowing that this ordeal is far from over. I would have prepared myself because I haven’t received the worst news yet.
I've experienced so much heartbreak
Living with one illness is already hard enough. How do I keep on going when these illnesses feel like piles of huge rocks that are continuously stacking up in front of me – blocking my way and stopping me from pushing forward?
How do I deal with another heartbreak when I just got through one? Just when I thought I was finally getting better, another health issue would swiftly come knocking me off the ground.
Just when I thought I was moving forward, another illness comes along, eventually pulling me a few steps back, taking away all the progress that I made, and throwing out my hard work down the drain.
The journey towards healing is a long and shaky path
Healing is so complex and full of uncertainties. But recently, I just realized that whether it pertains to trauma, mental health, or a lifelong chronic illness, healing never ends because there is always something to heal from.
And although we will never really be fully healed, there is progress and recovery. These two, we can slowly attain, one step at a time.
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