You Can’t Run Away: Psoriatic Disease Took Away My Future

Psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis have taken so much away from me. I mean, it's lonely. I have low self-esteem, and I'm always answering questions about my skin. It's depleted me. For me, it's way beyond stigma.

These two diseases took away from my future and continue to play a role in my life, unwanted or not. While I have put a lot of these unhelpful thoughts behind me, they occasionally sneak back in at times.

The moment I realized my future would look different.

I was diagnosed with psoriasis at the age of 5. I remember endless trips to the doctor with my parents. My skin looked strange. It was itchy and very painful. This condition covered my whole body. This was the itchy hand I was dealt.

On my first day of school, I knew. I knew I was different and that isolation was to be a part of my life. I was on the receiving end of so many stares. My classmates avoided sitting next to me. I was sad for many, many years.

After that first day, teachers and classmates were worried I was contagious. I was quarantined in a hospital for 3 weeks. My first week back to school was hell. I dreaded going to school every morning. My parents got tired of encouraging me and talking softly.

They used force and punishment when I refused to go to school. I grew accustomed to it, and soon I became cold. On the outside, it seemed that people's words and stares no longer bothered me. But on the inside, I was distraught.

What will my future with psoriasis look like?

My mother ran track in high school. Naturally, that's what I wanted to do as well. My mom was a marathoner on a national scale. I was told that she was one of the best, and I wanted to follow in her footsteps. Psoriasis had a different plan for me and kept me from achieving that dream.

No matter how much I ignored my skin - onlookers would have disgusted eyes and resentful words. My mental health took a toll. My skin was painful and hindered me from exercising the way I wanted. I couldn't spend long periods of time in the sun. I was held back from doing my best.

It was difficult to find a coach and be accepted into training camps. During the winter, my skin was flaky, painful, and scaly. My skin was itchy and bleeding; my clothes were filthy. My mother supported me. She helped me find a coach and was transparent about my condition. Though when it came to my teammates, I was boldly isolated.

I refused to give up. I let my behavior speak for me. I demonstrated determination and passion. I earned international recognition for my running - and was invited to run at meets.

Psoriasis has taken my biggest dreams

When my star was shining brightly at age 21, everything came crashing down. I woke up with painful knees and swollen joints. When I tried to run, my joints felt like they were grinding and breaking. This derailed my practice and prevented me from running most events.

A thorn throughout my body for decades. When I went to the doctor, I was told that the pain was in my head. It wasn't until 25 years later, at age 50, that I received my psoriatic arthritis diagnosis.

My world fell apart, and my dreams were dashed when I had to say goodbye to my coach. I knew I had to seek another career path. It has been 40 years, and this is still a part of my life that still hurts. 

I will continue practicing the best treatments and raising awareness for psoriatic disease as a part of my new dream.