Things That Cannot Be Seen

I had an interesting conversation with someone who I am just getting to know. A new friend from a group of mutual interest.

I recently had a conversation with a new friend who has struggled with weight and some other issues. He shared that because of his weight, he faced a lot of ugly stares and rude comments. As someone who lives with psoriasis, I commented that I knew exactly how that felt. He looked at me surprisingly and assumed I had lost the plot of his narrative.

People simply have no idea

The words that came out next were so enlightening. He said, "you are so beautiful I cannot imagine that you have ever had to deal with people looking at you in that way."

At that moment I was reminded of how people simply have no idea. I do not just mean managing the psoriasis stigma. I mean in general. We have no idea what other people have been through and what they are going through.

Human beings are so quick to make a judgment on what we see, it is in our nature.

A challenging conversation

Whether we chose to be judgmental is a moral issue. I think by our nature, we weigh people up on what we see in front of us. It is but a drop in the ocean of who we are as people and what we have gone through. I then explained to my new friend (with some photographic evidence) what I look like when I am not in psoriasis remission (which is 8 months out of 12.) He was awestruck and apologized for making such a brash assumption.

I could see the reality of it set in. Feeling a little unsure of how I should react to this. A gentle smile and words were all I had. It really was okay and he had no way of knowing. Had I reacted angrily, I would have taught him nothing, showing him gently and making him aware that we all make this mistake from time to time helped. It opened up a whole conversation about psoriasis and took my advocacy to a new level.

More than skin deep

Psoriasis is so much more than what people see on the surface. We go through a lot of different things all at different times. We deal with levels of pain and discomfort and emotional baggage.

Alas, it is a part of who we are and what our daily lives consist of. Carrying degrees of pain and discomfort which is generally increased or decreased by something that is out of your control. Sometimes we carry this with flawless skin and sometimes we don’t.

A gentle reminder

I think all in all this just served as a reminder to me too. Be kind to the people you meet. You never really know what they are going through or what they have been through.