A New Path With Psoriasis

After a visit to the doctor today, I find myself feeling sad, annoyed, and angry. I never asked for psoriasis. I almost want to scream "This is not what I signed up for!"

None of us signed up for this and today it is all a bit much for me. I just want to run down the road and be able to play with my daughter without pain. I would love to have the confidence that my hands won't lose grip of my coffee cup and sending it crashing to the floor. I am not asking for much, or am I?

The impact of starting new treatment

I am angry that I got sick and that as of today, I will now be on long-term pain medication. I am feeling nervous about side effects and how my skin will react. I am anxious and insecure about the weight gain that is almost promised from the leaflet.

The one thing that I do know is that I am so deeply tired of being in pain every single day. Today marks the start of a new journey, one that I feel ill-prepared for. Ironic isn’t it? Considering that I have been living with psoriasis and dealing with psoriatic arthritis for ten years. I knew this was coming. I feel defeated.

It will never go away

Since I was diagnosed, I have worked with my body and listened to it as carefully as I can. I've stayed away from harsh medications, done my best to control symptoms via diet and an array of medications. There have been days and moments in time when I thought I was winning, and maybe at that moment, it was true. 

Today is not one of those days. Secretly, I was holding out for that day it would all just disappear, especially the pain and that comes with it. When you think about it, it makes no sense. I knew it would never go away.

It was the kind of hope that also wishes unicorns were real. The one that awakens you at night to remind you that it is here to stay.

What does the future hold for me?

I feel deeply overwhelmed at the moment. I have a myriad of emotions coursing through my veins. My skin has joined the suit to let me know that I need to calm down or it will send me in a raging flare.

So what does the future hold for me? Right now, it's long term medication that comes with its whole own set of side effects. Would I experience one of them or all of them? Will the benefit outweigh the risk? It has me feeling unsure about what path to follow going forward.

I have turned to my regular support groups, to see who is using the same medications and which side effects they have experienced. Maybe there is even time for one last trip to the doctor to rehash this all before I have to start.

Have you been in the same boat before starting something new? How did you deal with it?