New Year, New Grace

For many people, January 1 serves as that reset moment. A time to set goals, make resolutions. Of course, we all know that one, two, or twenty people are ready to hit the gym or try the newest fad diet.

As my psoriasis flares go through their newest roller coaster ride, my own goal and resolutions look a little different. Moving along with the highs, lows, dips twists, and turns, I am setting intentions towards my health and those intentions start with the big "g" word, Grace.

A flare impacts every area of life

At the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, I experienced the worst flare-up of psoriasis in my life. I went through a flurry of emotions. My stress level was at an all-time high. There were days I couldn't push myself out of bed from the pain.

When I showered, it burned. The days when I would comb my hair were always followed by hair loss and flakes. I felt like I was failing at so many things - because I was either too tired or in pain. There were even times that I didn't have it in me to do things with my kids, all because I simply was hurting.

I was my own biggest critic. I was beating myself up over things I could not control. Swiftly, I felt myself spiraling and had to make a decision quickly. Laying in bed, I ran across a show with a motivational speaker who spoke about grace and being kind to oneself.

I recognized that I was being so hard on myself because I am generally the strong one. However, this current flare made me feel weak in every area of my life.

An introduction to grace

First, I accepted the challenge of giving myself grace. Secondly, I made a chart of all of the things I would give grace to others for and compared it to what I would give myself. Seeing that chart opened my eyes tremendously.

Finally, I used tools from that motivational speaker, and grace was the gift. Kindness, speaking good words over myself helped me so much. Grace allowed me to be ok.

I was not superwoman, and that was fine. As the strong one learning to yield and let others care for me was a challenge, but it gave me strength.

Giving myself grace has not been easy or something that simply happens overnight. It's a practice that I have to work at daily - including changing habits. My mind had to shift, and I literally out loud many days have to say "Ayesha, it's ok if you can't do that".

A tactic in healing and growth

My children have been my ultimate blessings. They stepped right in and understood when I had challenging days. In my head, I created a narrative that they would think I didn't want to do things with them when I couldn't, instead they wanted me to be at my best and did things to make sure I was.

I had what I needed the entire time. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable to get there. In conclusion, over the next year, I have made it my intention to include in my goals my commitment to giving myself grace. I will be kind to myself and honor myself the way I consistently do for others.

I believe that this has helped me to heal and grow internally and even taking the stress off of myself in this way I believe has helped to calm my body and its flares.