What’s That On Your Skin?

I have had psoriasis for 56 years of my life. 56 years. Having lived with this condition for so long, I'm stronger and more empowered. That was not always the case.

Most people wake up every morning feeling fresh. They looked in the mirror and feel great. For us living with psoriasis, we wake up and see a scarred body with dried blood and flakes everywhere.

When people see my psoriasis before me

Let me tell you a common scenario that usually happens almost every day in my life. I have the pleasure of meeting someone for the first time and without a doubt, this stranger always directly asks about my skin. We haven't even got to the formal introduction yet.

From here, I get an influx of embarrassment. All I have the courage to say is "I have a skin condition called psoriasis." Do you know the worst part? The chain of questions begins after I say the word psoriasis. I have no self-esteem left and will probably never will.

Psoriasis is ruining my body

Every second of every day, I feel like psoriasis is ruining my body more and more. The itchy cracks and bleeding patches on my skin force me to feel miserable about my skin, body, and life. Can a normal person even imagine dealing with even a single itchy patch on their body for a lifetime? The answer would probably be no for sure.

• I see my pitted nails with lines. Why me?
• I see my patchy, rough, itchy skin. How long will I have to endure this?
• I touch my scaly scalp. Do I have a way out?
• I look at the scales on my skin. Will anyone ever love me?

I ask these questions and more every day to myself in my head. Nobody ever answers me back. Even I don’t have an answer to these questions. Every day, I stand in front of the mirror and try to find a spotless area of my body. You all know what happens next. I fail to find that area.

Living with embarrassment and shame

Every day I stand in front of my closet. I don’t choose clothes based on color, style, and trends like normal people. I chose my outfit based on how much it covers my skin and specific material to avoid irritating my skin. The more plaques I can hide, the prettier I look and feel.

I don't go out to any outings. Avoiding any contact with the outside world is my top priority right now. At times, I feel like my psoriasis on my skin has made my life scarred. I don’t feel happy anymore. The only emotion that I feel is embarrassment and shame in public.

Continue the quest for empowerment

Do you know what I do now to prevent such situations from happening? I do not meet new people. I avoid interacting with people. Here I am alone in my bed living my life with no one around. Being alone is scary at times. You know why am I writing all of this? I want to let the world, know about my suffering, and the pain that I found myself going through each day.

Maybe writing this will make people more accepting of others. I never did give up and continue each day trying to empower myself. Remember that you are not alone. You deserve to have your voice heard and the courage to stand up for yourself.

We will no longer suffer in silence.