Ways I Show I'm Depressed Without Saying It
I have a confession to make. Sometimes I'm an outright fraud. How so, you ask? Well, I act as though I'm okay when I'm really not. I carry a fake smile and a cheerful laugh when I'm crying inside. I dress nice so I can avoid looking how I truly feel. During these times deep down inside I'm suffering. I want to isolate, I want to be alone, my negative inner thoughts are getting the best of me. I need an extra amount of love, but I don't want to ask, I don't want to seem like a burden. I also fear if I admit my current state of emotions I will be deemed as weak.
Putting on a happy face
A month ago I put a post on Instagram about going through a hard time in life and dealing with a bout of depression. Last week a friend texted me and said, "I seen your picture. I didn't know you were going through depression. I would have never known." He was right, when I'm depressed I hardly ever look how I may feel. This then led to a two-hour conversation about how he too suffers with mental health challenges in silence including anxiety and paranoia. I think I'm seen by a lot of my friends and associates as "the strong one," so it's hard for me to admit when I am having a hard time. Here are 4 ways I show I'm depressed without saying it.
I remove myself from social media
Social media is triggering. If I am having a hard time I stop posting, commenting, and answering messages. For me personally, if I haven't posted in 3 days something is going on with me emotionally, and I'm trying my best to block out the world around me.
I cancel plans
When I'm going through a bout of depression I don't feel like being bothered, this is unusual for me since I am 80% an extrovert and love seeing new people, places, and things. I just want to be myself in my own thoughts, which probably isn't a good thing, but I don't have the energy to entertain the thoughts of other people.
I avoid alcohol
A lot of people turn to substances which will help them forget they are in pain, however, I do the opposite. Addictions have ruined some of my family members. Most started out with a causal habit, but because they were depressed they decided to use these substances as a way to numb the pain. Due to this common trend among people I know I avoid alcohol if I'm depressed. There was one time I caught myself drinking wine every time I was stressed and for me personally, I have seen the habit going down a dark road I wanted no parts of.
I write loving letters to my friends
Sometimes when I'm at my worse I think to myself, "Oh gosh I would hate to know my friends were going through this and suffering in silence..." So I write random friends letters of what I love about them and I randomly send them through the mail without telling my friend it's coming. I guess I kind of give them the love I need at the moment, but oddly enough knowing I'm being a blessing in someone else life increases my happiness. It makes my friends feel special, and knowing I'm bringing happiness to someone's life helps me cope... It's a weird concept but it works for me.
Can you relate? What things do you do to show you are depressed without actually saying it?
How often do you experience brain fog?