Ways I Show I'm Depressed Without Saying It

I have a confession to make. Sometimes I'm an outright fraud. How so, you ask? Well, I act as though I'm okay when I'm really not. I carry a fake smile and a cheerful laugh when I'm crying inside. I dress nice so I can avoid looking how I truly feel. During these times deep down inside I'm suffering. I want to isolate, I want to be alone, my negative inner thoughts are getting the best of me. I need an extra amount of love, but I don't want to ask, I don't want to seem like a burden. I also fear if I admit my current state of emotions I will be deemed as weak.

Putting on a happy face

A month ago I put a post on Instagram about going through a hard time in life and dealing with a bout of depression. Last week a friend texted me and said, "I seen your picture. I didn't know you were going through depression. I would have never known." He was right, when I'm depressed I hardly ever look how I may feel. This then led to a two-hour conversation about how he too suffers with mental health challenges in silence including anxiety and paranoia. I think I'm seen by a lot of my friends and associates as "the strong one," so it's hard for me to admit when I am having a hard time. Here are 4 ways I show I'm depressed without saying it.

I remove myself from social media

Social media is triggering. If I am having a hard time I stop posting, commenting, and answering messages. For me personally, if I haven't posted in 3 days something is going on with me emotionally, and I'm trying my best to block out the world around me.

I cancel plans

When I'm going through a bout of depression I don't feel like being bothered, this is unusual for me since I am 80% an extrovert and love seeing new people, places, and things. I just want to be myself in my own thoughts, which probably isn't a good thing, but I don't have the energy to entertain the thoughts of other people.

I avoid alcohol

A lot of people turn to substances which will help them forget they are in pain, however, I do the opposite. Addictions have ruined some of my family members. Most started out with a causal habit, but because they were depressed they decided to use these substances as a way to numb the pain. Due to this common trend among people I know I avoid alcohol if I'm depressed. There was one time I caught myself drinking wine every time I was stressed and for me personally, I have seen the habit going down a dark road I wanted no parts of.

I write loving letters to my friends

Sometimes when I'm at my worse I think to myself, "Oh gosh I would hate to know my friends were going through this and suffering in silence..." So I write random friends letters of what I love about them and I randomly send them through the mail without telling my friend it's coming. I guess I kind of give them the love I need at the moment, but oddly enough knowing I'm being a blessing in someone else life increases my happiness. It makes my friends feel special, and knowing I'm bringing happiness to someone's life helps me cope... It's a weird concept but it works for me. 

Can you relate? What things do you do to show you are depressed without actually saying it?