When Should I Tell My New Partner About My Psoriasis?

New relationships are exciting and there are many things to learn about each other. There are feelings and there are butterflies. The dates, the new introductions, and the beautiful moments. I am a sucker for romance and it can be cheesy, but I do not care. The cheesier, the better. I try and always remember even in these early days that being authentic is such a valuable characteristic. And in my opinion, a very important part of the foundation you lay for your relationship.

Having psoriasis can make this beginning part a little more tricky. All people have what we call dings and dongs in my family. They are parts of us, that are not the sunshine and light parts. The things that could be more challenging to deal with. My psoriasis is part of my dings and dongs and honestly, it is a lot to deal with. That being said, I also am a lot to deal with when my psoriasis flares. It affects my moods, my mental health my lifestyle, socializing, etc.

Creating a healthy environment

I have had full-blown panic attacks due to my psoriasis and a partner. The mental toll of being in a relationship where your psoriasis is not accepted is immense. Ironically, the stress from this kind of relationship is part of what triggered my initial flare.

I vowed never to do this again, and in saying so, I make sure that I am upfront from the beginning and speak about my psoriasis openly. Not everyone can date someone with psoriasis, and that just is what it is, for me it is better to then walk away and not get involved.

When to bring up psoriasis?

I make sure that from the beginning it comes up and we speak about it and its various forms, and how life with it looks. Now, I don't jump in before our first coffee and lay my life bare, as there may be no point. One or both of us might not want to take it past the first cup of coffee.

There will however come a time though, when it is right to bring it up. There is probably no right or wrong answer here, who knows, for me though there is the sweet spot. When you see that things are starting to move past a few casual dates, it is certainly time to start talking about psoriasis, in particular, if you are meeting someone while in remission.

Some people feel that they tell someone before they even go on a first date, that is okay for me too. Hiding it though is not, it's dishonest and can cause an unnecessary hiccup in the budding relationship. Playing with trust is not something that I do.

Reactions to the news

Not everyone handles this well and or with grace. Remember to be kind to them and yourself and just give them a moment to process what this means. It is okay if they are not able to handle something like psoriasis and me while I am going through the worst of it. This is something I made peace with a long time ago.

Allow them the time and space to absorb the information and do what they need to. Offer to explain what life looks like with living with this condition and why you need to talk about it. Psoriasis flares have their own time and as we know that hardly ever fits into our plans.

We all deserve a wholesome kind of love that accepts cares and nurtures.  Relationships that help each other grow and flourish are born of authenticity and respect and have a great foundation to start with.