Being Intimate with Psoriasis
Last updated: August 2018
I have been married for over 20 years. I remember my first date with my husband. I was totally covered from head to toe and flaking all over the place. On our first date, we both knew this would not be the last. I took a chance and decided to just tell him what was going on with me. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in life, but it was either now or just freeze up and hope he calls for a second date. He had never heard of psoriasis.
Well, telling him paid off. He’s been my number one advocate. Trust me, once I told him; I felt ok, but I have had to work to keep the sparks going all these years. Not to get too graphic, but when I didn’t feel sexy which could happen a lot because I was always covered in psoriasis it could be hard to be intimate.
Being open and honest
I had to get myself mentally prepared and then physically prepared. My biggest challenge was trying to scrub off all the flakes. It never worked, but I would use lubricants that can help with psoriasis in lower regions, and cute lingerie (you don’t have to be naked if you’re not comfortable) and set the mood. Use music, lighting and other things that can help set the mood for intimacy. This will keep your mind off other things.
When you have psoriasis, intimacy can be hard at times and it can also heighten your self-consciousness. When dating or entering a new relationship with a person who doesn’t know the extent of your psoriasis or understands how flare-ups can affect you, it can be difficult to find the right words. Sometimes you can be so overwhelmed by fear you lose the ability to open up and communicate about your psoriasis. Other times, you may find yourself avoiding intimacy altogether for fear of how your partner will react.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to be completely open and honest with your partner. Remain positive and be determined not to let psoriasis get in the way of the type of relationship you want.
A healthy relationship
You can have a healthy and intimate sex life but you need to be willing to talk to your partner about how you feel, what you like and don’t like and the type of reassurance you need from them. You first need to work on your own confidence and the ability to be open when it comes to discussing intimacy. Your partner needs to know what makes you feel comfortable and what make you uncomfortable when it comes to touching your body. Everyone wants to feel desired by their partner but let’s face it, when a flare-up breaks out the last thing you feel is desirable.
Once you’re ready to discuss psoriasis with your partner, you can reassure them it’s not contagious and reassure them they are not hurting you. Then develop a discussion from there. You must be completely open to this conversation and understanding that the person may have questions if this is their first time hearing about psoriasis. Hopefully, you’ve connected with a person that’s not shallow and open to listening to your needs and in return, you do the same. Giving yourself the opportunity to have open and honest communication will only improve your chemistry and intimacy.
The statement “communication is key” really is true. It is the foundation of any type of relationship. Don’t cut yourself off from the world and don’t deny yourself the potential for a happy, healthy sex life and with a good partner to share it with. My husband never cared about what was on my skin. He fell in love with my heart or so he said.
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