My Biggest Fears Become a Reality

I started my second biologic 2 years ago after the first one refused to work for me. I was excited about the opportunity of having another chance at clear skin. The biologic required me to use it twice within the first 2 months and then after that, I would receive a dosage every 3 months which I received from my doctor. Before this medicine, my body was 90% covered with psoriasis. I tried all types of treatments which failed and gave me zero relief.

After about 4 weeks of being on this particular medicine, I went from being 90% covered to about 60% covered. My upper body cleared first. After about 9 months and 3 injections, I was almost 90% clear. I still had some stubborn spots on my legs which refused to go away. Although I still had a few plaques of psoriasis I was 100% satisfied with my results. As long as I could at least wear a short sleeve shirt and not have to suffer from continuous itching at night I was satisfied. But there were some major concerns about the future of my health I considered.

I worried about...

What if the medicine stopped working? 
What if I experienced the side effects from the biologic?
What if I have to stop using the medicine? 

Well within 1 year and 8 months of using my treatment, my biggest fears became a reality. My biologic stopped working. I first noticed when I started to see new spots of psoriasis appear shortly after I received my injection. Initially, when I first started the treatment I would only see new spots every 3 months which indicated it was time for my next injection. Now, I was seeing new spots in less than 90 days.

Taking my health in my own hands, without my doctor's permission I decided to stop the biologic on my own accord. This was a mistake which I'll outline in another post. I tried a gluten free diet for about 3 months which didn't work for me at all. Finally, I made an appointment with my doctor to talk to her about the next steps.

My dermatologist received approval to increase my dosage and to give it to me every 2 months opposed to every 3 months. While this method kept my psoriasis at bay for a while, it didn't help improve the current spots, but I didn't see any new spots until about 6 months later. Now the biologic really isn't working at all. I'm seeing new spots at a more rapid rate every day.

My doctor has decided to put me on a new biologic which was approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration a few years ago. In clinical trials the medicine yielded some great results, but the data for these treatments only go back 10 years or less. I fear possible side effects 20 years from now.

Future Relationships

Another fear I face that is unrelated to treatment is meeting someone new. Currently, I'm about 60% covered with spots, the most affected part are my legs. I fear meeting a potential spouse in the state I am in now and it possibly worsening. I wonder what they will think? If they will still accept me? Will they be grossed out?

More Depression

Last but not least I worry about being more depressed after a failed biologic than the depression I faced prior to my treatment. Before this injection I didn't know what it was like to have psoriasis free skin, all I knew was psoriasis. But now I've had a taste of what it's like to live psoriasis free and I'm afraid that if I go back to the condition of my skin before this medicine my depression will be worse than it has ever been.