Cracks in My Life
Last updated: August 2018
I continue to tell my story of pain, suffering, and frustration so that I can know where I came from and where I am at now. Psoriasis has been a story that I can truly say has a lot of cracks in it and it has cracked me up for over 50 years now.
I was talking to a friend one day and she told me that she has a lot of cracks in her life. I said really, can I tell you a story first?
Of course, the skin
I will start first with all the cracks that started on my skin. Dry, itchy, irritated skin that bleeds all over my whole body all the time. There was a time when I had no clear skin. It’s hard to imagine living each and every day like this. I had elephant skin.
I remember days as a young adult trying to look my best. I would be dressed from head to toe. I know that on the outside I looked great. No one knew that there are cracks all over my body. Back in the day, my family didn’t have a lot of money, so I couldn’t just run to the drug store to pick up lotions, creams or Vaseline. When you are dry and your skin is cracking you will try anything for relief and that’s what I did. I started using lard on my skin. I think it’s called Crisco today, but it sure brought me a lot of relief. Not only did I feel better, but it made my psoriasis look better. Here I am using lard on my skin that I used to fry chicken with. I don't know about you but there is definitely a crack in my story.
All in my head?
When you are 70 to 80% covered in plaque psoriasis all over your body, you will do anything to get relief. My scalp would flake up so bad that I could pull off the flakes in sheets. It didn't matter how many times I washed my hair, the flakes would always come back immediately. Head and shoulders just was not working. Once again the dry, scaly, patches of plaque psoriasis and cracks were unbearable. I would walk around in the 70's with a pick, which is what we used for the bush (Afro), so that I could scratch the cracks. I would dig so hard that my scalp would bleed.
Step on a crack...
I remember once at 13 missing the school bus and having to walk the 3 miles to school. My feet not only were cracked on the top, but my soles were crack too. I knew this day would be a challenge but really to go to school. I did make it to school. My feet were sore, splitting and bleeding and felt like they were going to fall off, but I did it. I couldn’t go to school the next day. My feet needed to heal.
Piecing it all together
As I reflect back on my life, I remember how much I hated every crack on my body and hated my body too. Time certainly changes things and time certainly changes people. I have found ways over the years to make my situation better.
I tell my story to inspire, not for pity. I have had a wonderful life. I'm not sure of your story, but I am certain of mine. I have had physical and emotional cracks over my entire body at one point or another. I have had cracks in my life dealing with everyday situations of just living in this society. No matter where you find yourself in my story, I hope there is a part that is also for you. Be honest, be true. Tell your story, because like myself, you’re not the only one with a crack in your story. Your story may be just the one that someone else needs to hear.
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