To Have or Not To Have

I have spoken to several of young adults over the years who have psoriasis. The one thing that seems to be creeping up in the past few years is people opting out of having kids. This compelled me to write why I wanted to have children with my disease. It never dawned on me not to have children; it probably was the era I grew up in. I always prayed that they never got psoriasis, but that was it.

I always remember my mother saying what a blessing her kids were to her and I knew I wanted to have that blessing too. My mom had a chronic illness which I will discuss at another time, but she chose to have us and I’m glad she did, if not, I would not be writing this today.

Will my child get psoriasis?

When I had my first child I remember people saying you are just a baby yourself. I got married and pregnant right away. I remember my baby’s first words when they took their first steps. I remember taking them to church every Sunday with me, my kids were 17 months apart. I would dress them alike. Psoriasis would not rob me of motherhood. My kid’s father died when they were 8 and 9 years old. This scared me more than having psoriasis and I started to feel the effects of psoriatic arthritis at that time.

Taking parenthood and psoriasis one day at a time

There were days that I cracked and bleed so bad that I just wanted to cry, but I found the enter strength to go on year after year. I soon realized that for every laugh there will be a tear. For every joy, there will be a heartache. As my kids got older, I always wonder will this disease rob them one day? This was a continuing dream for me. I had to sit them down one day to explain that they might get psoriasis one day. This news didn’t bother them. More importantly, I wanted them to know that if they do get it that they will always be loved and I will always be there for them.

I chose to have kids because I knew I could teach them as they grew and one day they would cherish the words that I have said to them. They will always understand that their mother will never stop fighting for a cure for psoriasis. As a mother, I couldn’t imagine loving someone the way you love your kids. A mother’s love is precious.

Overcoming other people's judgements

When I looked back over my life, I can see how people would judge me because I was covered with scales. They thought I was being unfair subjecting them to this disease. I had people who actually said I couldn’t be a good mother because I had psoriasis. Boy, did I prove them wrong. I was told that I would embarrass my kids. The most hurtful thing that was said to me was that I should never have children.

When my boys were younger and they could see the pain in my face, it was the support from them they made me try even harder and always wanted to be part of finding a cure for psoriasis. I remember my youngest son telling me years ago, Mommy, you are stronger than you realize. I knew my illness didn’t determine who I was, it only made me stronger. I know there are people who would say, why you would want to past that on to your child? I believe that my illness shows my strength and how I chose to embrace psoriasis.

I’m happy that I didn’t listen to people. It has been my faith and my devotion that keeps me going. I’m glad I made the decision to have children. They are 40 and 41 now. They are two of the best men a mom could ask for. They will keep my legacy going. My life would not have been complete without them. They don’t have my disease, but if they did we would fight this disease together. I will speak for people who can’t speak for themselves.