Why Do I Let My Psoriasis Get To Me?

Seventeen years is a long time to live with psoriasis. Trust me, I understand that there are people who have had it a lot longer. I am friends with some of them. I am pretty accepting of the life that I have been dealt. It has not been easy to get there, nor does it always stay accepting of that fact.

No matter what, we all have down days and for me, that time seems to be now. Maybe it's because we have just had a winter storm or maybe it's because I am so overly exhausted. Whatever the reason, I hate feeling like I do. There is no rhyme or reason for it. Should I feel bad about feeling bad?

A psoriasis state of mind

One of the things that took me a long time to learn is finding ways to listen to my body. I know about the fatigue factor. Flares are nothing new to me.

See in all my seventeen years with psoriasis, I have never been clear. Not one single time. At my worst, I was 80% covered in plaques. That was a hard blow to my mental state of mind. However, even though I am not clear, I only have about 15% plaque coverage. You would think I would be happy with that. From one point, I am. From another, I am not.

Is clearance on the way?

I have tried what feels like every cream out on the market. Even now, my rheumatologist keeps pushing creams at me. Like most of you reading this, I have been on methotrexate. I have tried and failed three biologics. It really should say four but I had to stop due to a medical condition.

Now six months into a new biologic, I have seen no improvement. In fact, my psoriasis is starting to spread. I mentioned this to my doctor. Her response was "you are not on the strongest dose yet so let's give it more time."

I understand the logic of not being at full dosage yet but it doesn't make it easier. Meanwhile, I get to sit and watch another one potential fail. With that joy that in all likelihood, my psoriasis will continue to spread.

Desperate for a cure

No one is harder on themselves than I am. I guess we probably all deal with some form of that. One thing is for certain, I know all too well how I felt when I was so widely covered. I never want to go back to that. The mental fatigue it took to deal with it day after day was almost unbearable.

Now I would just like to see it fully through and be totally clear. I mean is that asking too much? Wouldn't it be lovely if they could find a cure for psoriasis like they have other diseases? Don't get me wrong, I do believe that day will come. They are getting closer every day.

Do I sound like a whiner having said all this? Maybe that is it I need to remind myself better days are on the way. Until then let's all support one another so that we can all see that finish line together. Who's with me? I hope we all feel better soon.

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