Not My Hands Again

Psoriasis can be such a cruel disease. At my worst, I was almost completely covered in plaque psoriasis. Nothing seemed to be working as far as treatments. One of the areas that was the hardest for me to deal with was my hands.

It was still at a time when I was trying to cover up all those areas so no one would see it. I didn't want to see it so why would anyone else? I hated going to the grocery store. It was a necessary evil in my mind. We have to eat. I knew the stares I would get. They were coming from everywhere or at least that is what I thought. There was no way of covering it up unless I wanted to wear gloves in the summertime. Not a fashion statement I wanted to make when any type of heat just made it worse.

My first biologic did wonders for my hands

When I got put on my first biologic, I foolishly thought this was going to be my wonder drug. It would take care of the psoriasis patches and I would never have to worry about it again. Boy was I wrong. If I knew now what I didn't know then I would have not thought that.

However, it did clear my hands which was a huge blessing as far as I was concerned. No more would I have to worry about the stares or the other crappy questions people would give me. For example, have you been chemical burned was the most stupid one of them off the top of my head. I was not in a place mentally that I am in now concerning psoriasis. Now I take those questions or stares and use it as a means to educate them.

Years of my hands being clear

As I stated, the first biologic really cleared my hands. My plaque psoriasis was gone. However, since it did not do anything to clear any other areas of me, the doctor thought it best to try something else. I was fearful that my hands would break out again, but I also knew he was right. If one biologic could clear my hands then another biologic had to work to clear other areas.

Being 80% covered at my worst was nothing to laugh at. To my wonder and amazement, my hands have stayed clear of psoriasis through three more biologics. Even during those in between times of going from one biologic to another my hands still were clear. That wasn't the case with the rest of me but that is another story. Years of having clear hands, that is until recently. My fear is reoccurring.

Round two with my hands

If you have had psoriasis for a long time, then you know that a biologic can work for years but suddenly stop. There are also times when a new medical condition comes along that dictates that you have to come off a biologic. This is the dilemma I was faced with at the beginning of this year.

Because of a medical condition, I had to come off of a biologic that was working. Why you ask? The short answer is because the biologic is known for making the condition worse. My fear has come true. Once again my hands are starting to break out with plaque psoriasis. Currently it is only two fingers out of ten but to me even that is to much. There are times when even I hate this disease and now is one of them.

I will not give up hope

Even though currently I am not liking psoriasis, I will not give up hope that something new will help. I just started my fifth biologic this month. I am still in the loading dose phase with one more to go. My psoriasis is responding to the treatment or at least it looks that way to me.

It can be wishful thinking on my part, but I am eternally optimistic. I believe I am strong enough now mentally if this is not the case. The fight is still within me to keep trying until I find something that does. Clear hands and a body clear of psoriasis is my ultimate goal.