50 Years And Nothing Has Changed

I have had psoriasis for 60 years. No matter how hard I try to normalize having this disease, it still makes me feel different. There are times I feel like my self-confidence and self-esteem are just gone. People drive me crazy. They just don't know what to say out of their mouths.

I recently went to the Bahamas, so I wanted to get my nails and feet done. Can you imagine my shock when the beautician refused to serve me because of my psoriasis? She actually said I was contagious. Believe it or not, this was a few months ago. Did I just go back 50 years in time?

Hiding my psoriasis for so many years

My mind went back to my nightmare of being in the public eye years ago. I was being interviewed by several people and remember receiving these gestures from the team that was supposed to do makeup on me. They didn't want to touch me. Or can you imagine giving up your favorite sport and hobby like swimming because of what people will say? You are not going to put flakes in the pool, are you? This was said to me many years ago.

To make matters worse, I chose to be reclusive despite knowing that I should be outside meeting new people and connecting with the world because of my illness. I've had psoriasis since I was 5, and no matter how hard I try to normalize it, it still makes my life miserable or makes me feel different at times.

During my teenage years, I used creams every night with the help of my parents. My mother made me a particular sort of pajamas and gloves. I used to cover my head as well so that I didn’t spoil the bedding, but it didn’t help much.

I was terrified to attend school because some creams had an unpleasant odor, which made my friends refuse to sit next to me. This sure took away my self-esteem. Psoriasis mostly affects my scalp, hands, cheeks, legs, arms, and back, resulting in several glances and a significant impact on me.

My parents were a huge support system for me

My parents helped ensure that I did not feel different or despise myself. They did everything they could to guarantee that my teachers understood my situation. They repeatedly guided and counseled me, assuring me that they loved me, but my self-esteem remained poisoned as a child.

As I grew older, I began to prefer hobbies that did not require me to go out as much, and I even chose a career that did not require me to go outside. Trust me, I do want to say that my life has not been all doom and gloom. I have had a good life, just had to deal with things with people over time.

Sometimes, I feel isolated, with psoriasis, but no matter how you feel, the one thing that I have learned is that I am never alone. I have made so many friends along the way.  There is a special friend that refers to me as her “psorsister”. She is always there day and night for me. We need to remember that there are people out there living the same journey as we are.

We are never alone.