Healing Out Of Pain

Do you know what really sets me off? When people without psoriasis give me skincare advice. They tell me how my skin can get better and what I can do to make it go away.

While they can see my scars, they don't see how I stare at my body every night. I stand in front of the mirror in pain and faced with misery. And you know what? I do not want them to see it. I wear my scars as a mark of honor.

Punishing my skin and myself

When I see every other person wearing t-shirts and showing off their summer body, I'd be lying if I said it isn't tough. There was a time I used to hate myself and my body because I couldn’t (or wouldn't) wear certain clothes. My go-to was to look for shirts and dresses were ones that covered my skin and the marks on them. For years, I cursed psoriasis and the scars and marks they left on my body.

I would look at my body and scratch my sores until they bled. I used to punish my skin and myself. I was a sufferer for years. One day, I turned myself into a survivor. Years of pain and suffering did not make me learn. One particular night of agonizing pain changed my life.

The night that changed everything

A potential employee rejected me for a job and it was because of my skin. I was in my early twenties at the time. I came home, locked myself in my room, and punished my skin. In anger and disappointment, I began peeling and scratching my scarred skin. The next thing I remember was my dear friend giving me ice packs and bandaging me up. I couldn’t feel my entire body. Later she shared that she thought I was going to bleed to death that night.

With time to think, I was saved. It was time to put the story of my life together. I realized if I was worthless and had no purpose to be in the world, why was I here? This was my moment of realization. We all know our worth and I knew that I was here in this world for a purpose. If somebody comments on my skin condition, it’s because I allow them in my space too.

A badge of honor

Now, I do not allow space for people to talk about my condition in front of me. I made the decision and now go wherever I want and wear whatever I want with confidence. This girl will flaunt her skin like a badge of honor which shows how strong I am.

So, your psoriasis girl has vented out another one of her stories. I carried so much shame well into adulthood that haunted me for years. Now, I want my psoriasis survivors to pop the bubble of shame and come out as survivors. We are as strong and just as normal as everyone else. Together we can make a difference.