Should Your Partner Have A Say In Your Psoriasis Treatment?

For the new readers— my wife and I have been together for 15 years and married for 13. We got married when we were 19 and 20, so we basically had to learn the whole adulting thing together. We both had strained relationships with our families, so we moved two hours away to the “big city” of Portland to start our lives.

Figuring out the big stuff

One thing we quickly realized in our early twenties was that the “in sickness and health” part of the vows were no joke. I have asthma and severe psoriasis, so it didn’t take long for my health (or sickness, rather) to be a real part of our relationship. It started with ER trips for asthma attacks and progressed to dermatologist appointments.

When I was 23, a doctor finally mentioned something other than topicals for my scale-covered body. The doc started talking to me about Humira, and as the conversation continued, I quickly realized that the needles weren’t the only thing I had to fear about this medicine. She looked my wife and I straight in the eyes and asked us if we were planning to try and have kids. We unanimously said we were, to which she read a mile-long list of why we should reconsider me going on the meds. I was waiting for her to ask which last meal I would like with my sample injection.

Pillow talk IRL

We went home that night and had a pretty long talk. If you have read my other articles you will know that I didn’t end up going on a biologic at that point (even though we have since conceived a baby while I was on a biologic and he came out without a tail or gills). But what is more important is that we talked about it. So where is the line between making your own health decisions and involving your partner?

The affects on my family

Every couple is different, but to me, it made sense to respect my wife’s feelings because this type of medication came with:

• Significant possible side effects
• Significant cost
• Significant commitment (she would have to give my injections)

All these things impact us as a family, even though they are about my body. When it comes to chronic illness, loved ones are affected by the disease almost as much as the one living with it. It was tempting to want to deal with my diseases on my own, because sharing it made me vulnerable to appearing weak. I am supposed to protect and provide for my wife and family, but there have been many times I simply wasn’t physically able.

Deciding on a treatment

One of those steps is finding what treatment works best for me that doesn’t risk our family’s well-being. For us, that meant going with a long-studied biologic treatment that had a bridge program to help with cost, and most recently now a clinical trial of an oral medication. Topical treatments had less risks, but the burden of covering my entire body twice a day was a lot for both of us. UV therapy was effective, but it required me to be seen 3 times a week at $15 a visit. That was $45 a week; $2340 a year. That was a bit much for our young family.

Til chronic illness do you part?

The biggest part of all of this is trust. You have to trust your partner has your best interest in mind. Statistics show that up to 75% of marriages with a partner with a chronic disease end in divorce. That is a big, looming number. However, it has been my experience that by letting my wife be part of my journey, it helps us to have shared goals. Our goal to realized improved health for me is no different than our goal to buy a house. We take the steps together.

Talk to your loved one

Each family has its own unique issues to explore. Start the conversation. What ways has your significant other been involved in your disease and treatment choices? Share with our community today!