Bedtime Blues

There remains no challenge as great with this disease as getting a good night’s sleep and waking up feeling rested. The truth be told, I cannot tell you when I last did not feel tired. It has seemingly become a way of life. So if you see me and want to tell me I look exhausted, rather don’t as this is just my face now.

The infamous routine

This is my example of one of my nights where I contemplate giving up on sleep altogether, because what is the point really? It all starts (insert dramatic music here) when it is time to get my daughter to sleep. She goes to bed substantially earlier than me, and being five, thinks this is a terrible idea. The result is that some nights it takes a while to get her to drift off. I lay by her and I either read or we listen to sleepy stories about Moshi the Koala. By the way, did you know you can read yourself asleep while reading to your child? You can take my word on this, it is an actual thing. The deeper I get into her storybook the heavier my eyelids get. Often times I will fall asleep there, on a heap book in hand, Momma and baby bear fast asleep.

I will normally wake an hour later all scrunched up between her and the cat, get up and do some work, make tea or read my book. Taking the time to spend time with myself, or have tea with my lovely momma. The Sandman hangs with me while I do my thing and eventually, with a light tap I hear him whisper, it is time. What time you ask, bedtime, and normally this is around 10:30 PM. I slide into bed with great intentions, medication and ready to get some good rest.

11:30 PM I wake up and roll over, not really waking up, just not feeling comfortable.  Toss turn and fall asleep again.

00:15 AM The pain is unbearable, it feels as if every bone in my body is going to break. I get up and get some water. Costochondritis being my greatest foe at this point. My rib cage and my back feel like it is going to explode. I almost wish it would to relieve the pressure.

00:40 AM I make myself some kind of comfortable on the couch, much to the disapproval of the cat colony that resides in our home. They all glare at me, annoyed that I dare disturb their slumber.

Wee hours of the morning

01:20 AM a small tap on the shoulder wakes me up; “Mommy, why are you sleeping on the couch?” I answer sleepily that I was sore and came to rest there. My little love rubs my back and says mommy come lie by me, you will feel better. (Insert an image of my heart melting here) Drink two NSAID’s and crawl into bed with my girl, who rubs my back softly till she falls asleep.

02:50 AM I cannot lay like this anymore, I leave my small human in my bed and commandeer hers. This normally helps and I can get 2- 3 hours before I must get up for work. Not to tonight.

04:25 AM It is official I am giving up, I am in so much pain that I cannot move, I make my way out of the bed and start my day...slowly. Tired and somewhat grouchy. I kick start the kettle, drop a tea bag in my favorite fox mug and pray for the pain to subside, if only just a little bit for a little while.

We stand to fight another day and do what needs to be done.