Have You Tried This or That?

"Have you tried this?" I am sure that you have heard this before, possibly to within an inch of being annoyed with random strangers. Sometimes the question comes from someone who is actually just a kind-hearted soul and seeing someone suffer they want to do something to help. Or maybe you have heard it from someone who does mean well and truly has a cousin with psoriasis and they have used *insert magic potion here* and it has worked wonderfully. Most of us have been through so much, and the one simple frustration is that we have tried so much that does not work. Coupled with the fact that we are more often than not, misunderstood and judged for the way our skin looks. I think that it tends to make us automatically negative about treatment suggestions.

But first...a story

When my little girl was born, (two days before my mom’s birthday) she was colic and a bad sleeper. Needless to say, the first few weeks were more than just a little difficult. I was an exhausted and frustrated new mom, I had tried remedy after remedy and trick after trick. Is this sounding familiar yet? Everyone wanted to help me and they were at hand with various things I could try to help myself and my baby girl who was suffering from the worst tummy cramps. Eight weeks later I was at my gynecologist for a check-up and she made the fatal error of asking me how things were going. I explained how everything was hard and the cramps and this and that, which was proving too much for this new mamma. She smiled gently and said, I know that everyone is probably throwing advice at you. YES, I said, but please if you have any suggestions lay them on me.

Chocolate was the issue

She smiled and asked me one question: “Are you eating any chocolate?” I said, well here and there but not really, and then it dawned on me. For my mom’s birthday, I had a magnificent chocolate cake made. Since I had been in the hospital my family and loved ones had been bringing me pieces of this delightful cake. So I said, yes I did, why? Stop she says, chocolate can cause colic in babies. Wait, what did you just say? Yes, you heard me. So I stopped immediately. You guys will not believe that a few days later, the colic seems less painful, and a week later it was noticeably better. Two weeks and the improvement was so marked that others were commenting on how much better it seemed. When my partner’s mom asked what changed, I explained this chocolate thing to her. Do you know what she said? She told me that on the way to the hospital where they were delivering some cake and visiting the baby, she was thinking she should tell me about the link between colic and chocolate, but she figured that I was already being overthrown with information.

Sometimes treatment suggestions is helpful

And thus the one piece of advice that I really needed, I did not get until much later. Can you imagine the difference it would have made for me, my little baby girl and all concerned, if she did not feel that she should not say something to me? It changed so much for me. It never took the colic away, that took months, but it brought the intensity down dramatically.

How does this correlate to psoriasis you may ask. It is simple really, there are people who see us and judge us, this hurts us and we do not like it. Then there are those brave souls that take the time and make the effort. They come up to us and ask about our skin or suggest something that they have used, heard of or seen. Why is it then that so many of us treat them with hostility? The very people we want to understand us better, the ones that actually want to help us. Should we not take the time and listen to their suggestion and say thank you for being brave enough to come up and tell us?

Providing suggestions or advice might help someone else

I do, I also stop people when I see them with psoriasis and smile and say hello and I either suggest something I know of or have used. If you have the power to make one less person feel lonely in this big world. Use it, just imagine, that one suggestion makes their life even just a little easier for a short while. Be patient with the ones who want to help, smile and say thank you and accept it form the good place they are giving it from. Nine times out of ten they just want to help you.