An Open Letter to My Loving Partner

To my partner that still wants to be with me even though I have psoriasis, thank you for accepting and loving me as I am. Sometimes I think you accept me more than I actually accept myself- and I want you to know that I appreciate it more than you’d ever imagine. I am working on becoming comfortable in my skin but some days it is just so damn uncomfortable, itchy, and hard.

Thank you for your patience

Thank you for being understanding when I have a flare up. You see, much more goes on inside when I'm going through a flare. It’s not just the patchy, irritated, and itchy skin. It’s a feeling of broken-ness. A feeling that there is something wrong with me that I just can’t figure out or fix. A feeling of extreme fatigue and brain fog that I just can’t seem to control or snap out of. It may last for a day or month, so thank you for your patience while I have my moment. All you can do is be there for me, hug me, tell me you love me, make me laugh, nap with me, rub lotion on my back, give me coconut oil scalp massages, and do all the things to lighten my mood. I promise you this will pass and I’ll be back to feeling like myself again- I just don’t know when or how long it’ll take.

Loving me through a flare

I want you to know that I feel safe with you. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel insecure around you. I know you love me and accept me with all my flakiness but I am still working to get over the appearance of my skin. So, if I don’t feel like showering with you or if I don’t want to take my shirt off while we’re having sex, it’s not because I don’t love you or feel safe around you. I’m just a work in progress learning to become comfortable in my skin. If I’m in the middle of a flare, let’s dim the lights down while we make love so I can focus on how good I feel vs. how I look. Let’s light a candle to bring some romance into the room... love always makes my body feel better. There might be some positions I am uncomfortable in, so let me lead the way. But please understand, there might be times when I do not at all want to have sex. And please don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you.

I am worthy

But then there are times when my skin is great and all I want to do is show it off! Walking around naked, wearing shorts and a tank top, or a bathing suit feels like total bliss after a flare. During this time, let’s enjoy our nakedness together- skin on skin. I know it’s not going to last forever, so let’s cherish this moment of how damn good it feels.

No matter where I am- in the beginning, middle, or end of a flare... tell me I am beautiful every single day. Tell me I am not broken because the more I hear it, the more I believe it, and the more I start to realize there is actually nothing broken about me. Tell me that when you look at me, you don’t see the spots on my skin, but instead, you see a sparkle in my eye, the bright personality I have, the heart filled with so much love and compassion, and the light that emanates from my soul. These are the things that actually make me worthy. Not my skin. It’s just a hell of a journey to get there.

Fighting an ongoing battle

Thank you a million times over and over and over again. I love you.

Love,
Me silently battling psoriasis but also trying to make an effort of letting you know how I feel from time to time.

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