Between the Sheets: Sex and Psoriasis
Last updated: July 2021
We all do it, well most of us anyway, and yet we struggle to talk about it and we struggle to ask the questions we most need to ask. While sex is not the be all and end all of any relationship or marriage, it can certainly have a huge impact on the quality of the relationship. Some of us want more sex than others, and we all want it to be wonderful when it goes down (literally).
Psoriasis and intimacy
I recently got involved with someone on a very intimate level and while he is amazing and so understanding, it really got me thinking to how I know that some partners are not. That can often leave us feeling vulnerable and embarrassed and this is just not okay in my books. No one should make you feel this way and I include YOU in this. You should not make yourself feel this way about sex and neither should your partner. Making love is a beautiful and natural way of life, it should not be anything short of this.
Talking with your partner
This being said, there are some things we need to talk about because it is not always this simple for us, or our partner. Not always being sure who to turn to or how to ask a question, can leave us flailing for answers or abstaining completely. I think that we will often be surprised at the acceptance of our lovers if we just give them a chance to understand.
Ok so first up is this, have the talk, depending on where your psoriasis is, it will affect you in different ways, let your partner know what areas may be a problem this talk will all depend on the severity of your skin and your level of pain on that day. If you have genital psoriasis this is going to be tricky, but not impossible.
Navigating intimate moments
Lubrication is key, you might find with your psoriasis that your body’s juices are not doing quite what they should be doing. Choose something that is not scented or flavored. Be liberal with this, and please do not go ahead and have sex if you feel you are dry at all. You can really hurt yourself and cause further damage. A little bird told me that coconut oil can be rather helpful in this regard along with being good for your skin.
Hygiene hygiene hygiene, I literally cannot stress this enough and particularly for the benefit of the woman in the relationship. We all know falling asleep after a lovely rendezvous is great. However, jump in a shower before and after, also drink a big glass of water (this is for the ladies). Afterward, apply some topical relief and go crawl in have that happy sleep.
Turn the lights down to give yourself confidence a boost in the right direction, I find that over the years as I have made peace with my skin that I am okay with how my skin looks. I may even go as far as to give my lover credit and say that he does not take too much notice in the heat of the moment.
When in pain, STOP! This is so important. If you are too sore at any time, male or female, pre or post-climax, it does not matter. STOP. Your body being in pain is a sign that it cannot handle whatever it is that you are trying to do, so listen. Given the chance and the space to react, you will find your lover more understanding than what you thought. They would not want you to be in pain and while the might be laced with a little frustration.
*Editorial Note: If you are using condoms for STD or pregnancy prevention, you should not use any oil-based lotion or lubricant on the skin in the genital area, or on the condoms when you are having sex. Oil found in lotions and lubricants can degrade the condoms, causing small holes or tears that you can not see, but will defeat the protection otherwise provided the condom.
Are you interested in talking about sex and intimacy with psoriasis?